


Inevitable Inexplicable Chemistry

by your_bro_joe



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_bro_joe/pseuds/your_bro_joe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse, for one, plans to go down swinging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Whenever Jesse kisses Mr White, it’s always angry; reluctant; like he’s surrendering to an inevitability. Still, in his viciousness, he grips tight to the collar of Mr White’s dress shirt, keeping him close; keeping him from getting away. If they go down, they go down together. Jesse, for one, plans to go down swinging.

He’s wanted to get out of this business since Mr White approached him, and yet he’s stayed. He can’t explain why. In high school, you couldn’t have paid him to stick around Mr White’s classroom, but here he is, willing and able. Drawn by some unexplainable chemistry. Sticking around to stick his tongue down the throat of a married man dying of cancer. It’s sick. The whole thing is sick. But he can’t break away. Not when Mr White asks him to cook. Not when Mr White tells him to find a distributor. Not when Mr White pushes his head under til he’s drowning and saves him at the last second. Is it even saving him if he’s the one that put him there in the first place?

He doesn’t know, but he knows one day they’ll both go down, and he, for one, plans to go down swinging.


	2. Chapter 2

Walt is rough with Jesse, in all the ways his wife won’t allow him to be with her. When she’ll no longer let him fuck her when he’s riding high on adrenaline, Jesse is there, ready to take whatever Walt can give him.

And maybe it’s going too far; maybe it’s putting too much on someone over twenty years his junior, but Walt doesn’t particularly care about any damage he causes to someone he deems already broken. Not when Jesse is writhing beneath him on the floor, cushioned only by blankets and comforters. Not when Jesse’s nails bite into his back and that little spike of pain gives him just what he needs. Not when he can taste cigarettes or pot or chemicals on Jesse’s tongue, reminding him just how filthy this whole thing is.

And maybe, somewhere, he really does have feelings for the kid. He gives a damn whether he lives or dies, and, well, that’s something, isn’t it? And Jesse always gives him what he wants.


	3. Chapter 3

Jesse comes back from rehab changed; no delusions of grandeur, no believing he’s above any of the bullshit. He deserves what happens to him. Everything that happens to him. He’s the bad guy, after all.

He’s more passive when Mr White comes on to him; makes him work for it; won’t reciprocate until he knows the older man won’t give up, and even then, the spark is gone. He’s cold, and Mr White can’t warm him anymore.

But still he stays. Not for the money, barely for the company, not even because he has nowhere else to go. They’re bound to each other, and Jesse knows he deserves whatever’s coming to him. He’s the bad guy, after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Jesse is ashamed of how quickly he gives in to Mr White; how easily he slips back into that submissive role that he knows already cost him everything, and probably will again. He can't explain it. He doesn't understand, even now, what's wrong with him. Perhaps an addictive personality, but there's no rehab for getting off of Mr White.

Even when their superior grows restless, Jesse knows his loyalty falls only to one man, no matter what, because if one goes down, they both go down. That's what he tells himself as he waits for the return of his sadistic savior.


	5. Chapter 5

Jesse looks up at Mr White, surrounded by… fucking laser lights and plastic covers. Sees none of it but pale eyes behind wire-framed glasses. He looks up, and there is a gravity he can’t fight. He looks up and listens to him plead for his life; to him say “you and me” instead of just “me”. He thinks that maybe, maybe, Mr White is finally starting to give a shit.

When they kiss, there is a tenderness that wasn’t ever there before, and Jesse revels in it; lets himself gasp against Mr White’s lips; lets his hands find shoulders while the older man cups his face.

It’s brief; too brief, because Saul is there and someone followed them but it’s enough, and when Mr White leaves, Jesse knows he has to make a choice. Not just for himself, but for both of them. Because they’ll both go down if he can’t. And he can’t. But he will.


	6. Chapter 6

Walt is shocked at how much it hurts. Jesse has always, always, always been loyal. Always done whatever Walt asked, anything Walt asked, even if he had to bitch and moan first. Betrayal isn't Jesse's thing. Lying isn't Jesse's thing.

But it's staring Walt right in the face, in the form of a single text he wasn't meant to see.

It hurts far more than Walt ever thought it could; to know Jesse is not only lying to him, but prolonging their time--both of them--with Gus. And if Jesse wants that, if Jesse is conspiring with Gus, if Jesse is making himself more important to Gus....

Walt is shocked at how much it hurts.


	7. Chapter 7

Jesse squeezes his eyes shut, and for a second, everything stops. Rewinds. Plays.

Everything Mr White has done has been to screw him over. He's never given a shit about Jesse. He's never had Jesse's best interests at heart. Jesse has always been an afterthought, and for a moment Jesse thinks the only reason Mr White has kept him alive is so he can fuck with him further.

But Mr White is so sincere; lying on the floor, explaining how Gus is deceiving him, and Jesse knows Gus is trying to turn him against Mr White. He knows Gus wants Mr White dead and all he needs to do is get Jesse to pull the trigger. Maybe it's true, maybe it is. Maybe Mr White is pushing it when he presses the barrel against his own forehead. Maybe. Maybe.

It's the maybe that stays his hand. It's the maybe that has him lowering the gun and sobbing because he can't tell which lies are real anymore. Mr White has hurt him so much; Mr White has saved him so many times.

Jesse squeezes his eyes shut, and he trusts blindly.


	8. Chapter 8

Jesse sits there, and he listens, to lie after lie. Lie after lie after lie. He listens to it all, and parrots it back. He’s scared. Not for the first time, and not for the last. He’s scared of Mr White, and finally, he knows, that if it comes to it, Mr White will kill him.

The question is whether he wants that to happen.


	9. Chapter 9

Jesse screams until his throat is raw. He screams until his body feels empty; until he devolves into silent sobs that wrack him down to his very core. Every cell in his body burns, burns, burns with hatred for Mr White; ignites and burns until only cinders are left in the wake of the horrible realization.

He'd believed him. He'd let himself be played, over and over again, only to be hurt, only to hurt others. He'd killed for him, to keep him safe. He'd fought for him and vouched for him and put himself on the line so many times for someone who couldn't give two shits about him.

And he'd been so utterly convinced, so utterly blinded by adoration and-- and, hell, fucking _love_ \-- that he ate up every word. Even when it all started to unravel, Mr White knew just how to play him; knew that if he touched him in just the right way, Jesse would buckle. All those times Jesse had craved his touch, wished Mr White would touch him with something other than want, or ownership, or lust, or control, wished so hard he'd just give him some goddamn comfort, and Jesse screams at him in the middle of the desert, knowing Mr White brought him here to give him an ultimatum, to kill him, fucking _knowing_ , and then Mr White hugs him so tenderly, so affectionately, and it all goes away.

Jesse remembers this as he sets down the gas can and walks out of Mr White's house. Something is going to burn.


	10. Chapter 10

Jesse knows Mr White didn't come to kill him. Even when he jumps him, pushes him to the ground and they beat at each other with fists and feet, he knows the older man doesn't want to cause him lasting harm. Not this time. He recognizes the look in his eyes: one he's fixed on his son, his daughter, his wife.

Family.

When the shots go off, and the room is littered with bodies, Jesse doesn't give Mr White a second thought before going for Todd. And maybe he's forgiven him, and maybe he hasn't. But even when Mr White asks him for death, tells him he wants it, Jesse won't do it. He won't be Mr White's pawn anymore. Or his rook, or his knight, or even his partner. 

Whether it's a final insult or a mercy, Jesse is letting them both go on their own terms.

Swinging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive feedback on my first Breaking Bad fanfic. Perhaps the first of many. These were just glimpses into Jesse and Walt; I hope in the future to delve in further. Thank you again.


End file.
